March 19, 2013: Fabulo-la
March 19, 2013: Fabulo-la
I really wanted today to be the day that my life would be just a tad bit interesting. You know? Like it seems everyone else is having? But just like every other day before it, it isn’t so. It is supposed to be spring break, but there is nothing about this week that suggests spring or break. Not the weather, not the mountain of papers on my desk. Sometimes I wake up in the morning and I really just want to lament to God.
This semester has been nothing but a comedy of errors. I feel worse than when a professor in undergrad told me I would never make it through a PhD program. Seriously though, what am I doing here? I would give anything for 10hours of uninterrupted, peaceful sleep. With no thoughts of deadlines, midterms, or research proposals. But instead, I’m stuck here, surrounded by a mountain of book and papers and deadlines.
I keep telling myself, I can do this. I can do this. I CAN do this?
What was I thinking really? Taking my ass back to school to study a degree I barely knew anything about? What do I know about Fibonacci heaps and skewed lists? The Mc-Cabe -Thiele theorem never mentioned any of those! I have been barricaded in this apartment for the last few days trying to get a handle on this mandatory class for which it turns out, I actually need a degree in to understand. All my efforts to drop or change the class were futile, to say the least. Now just staring at the books, all I want to do is cry.
And I do.
For a long, long time. The whole day actually. Seven more weeks to go. Just as I am about to take another sip of coffee, the words on my mug stop me.
Be still and know. Be still and know that I am the Lord your God.
With that, I say a prayer and I climb in to bed. Today may not be the day, but I will conquer Fibonacci heaps and skewed lists. Maybe tomorrow my life will be more interesting. Or next week.
But today, I sleep.
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Fabulo-la is an engineer who prefers the world of fiction and poetry to that of skewed heaps and computers (obviously). When her mind takes over, she blogs over at Me. And then some.