April 13, 2013 — Leggy
April 13, 2013 — Leggy
The weekend always begins with me having so much to do and being stupid enough to believe that I’m going to get it all done by the end of the weekend. I woke up today and made an appointment with my therapist; I haven’t seen him since last October but I’m drowning and need someone to pull me up. I’m three weeks away from graduating and I have never felt as lost and without direction as I feel right now. I need someone who isn’t going to tell me that it’s going to get better because it really might not. I’ve tried praying but I’ve been so distant from God throughout college that I feel very selfish even uttering His name when I need something these days.
The day is beautiful and there are tons of people running around the lakes on campus and getting fit. I tell myself that I will someday be that girl who runs around the lake, I’ve been telling myself this for four years, I’m leaving this campus in 3 weeks, obviously it’s not going to happen now.
College did not turn out at all like I imagined it would. All the images I had about partying and making tons of friends really didn’t go with my decision to do 2 majors and 2 minors; I have terrible anxiety issues so the making friends part was really just a pipe dream, I get anxious around people so…clubbing is really just mostly a terrible excruciating event for me. So college was…well…mostly being broke, and eating ramen and reading tons of novels and boys. Oh, the boys.
I really should check my email but I never check emails because it gives me huge anxiety and I get panic attacks just thinking about it. Saturdays are overrated when you’re in college. You don’t really have much of a weekend. I have 5 papers and a midterm to churn out and email to my professor before the end of the weekend. I stick my earphones in my ears and Ingrid Michaelson’s “sort of” fill them as I try to churn out another paper. 3 more weeks y’all, 3 more weeks.
_________________________________________________________________________
Leggy is just a very Igbo feminist who is trying not to be broke all the time; she will usually be caught reading novels and listening to music. You can check her out at www.leggy-freda.com and @leggylegs on twitter.